Now that I’ve lost about 16 pound since the beginning of the year, I feel like I will be able to reach my goal of 175 with no problems. Although I can’t actually picture what I will look like at 175, I can see the number on the scale and I can feel the pride I will have in myself. I’m already starting to feel skinnier and happier about my appearance, last night I notice that when I smile I have dimples now. Ones that I couldn’t see because my face was so fat. I’m also starting to see my collar bones! The changes are for the most part easy for me to see…
But now other people are starting to notice too, and actually really exciting. I have customers that ask if I’ve been losing weight, or other that that say I look good. I sent a picture to my friend and she said I looked skinny and fit. At bed time the other night my husband put his arms around me and said, “You’re so skinny!” Or sometimes I’ll say something about my workout on facebook and my friend will say, they wish they were as dedicated as I am.
It feels good to have others notice how my body is changing. Its like a tiny little confidence boost, ok a big one, every time it happens.
Probably because so many people have said negative things about the how I look for so long. My first ever boyfriend (let’s hope he never read this, since I do have a link on my facebook) told me once that I ate too much. It was devastating, I was a freshman in high school (and very active), and no one had ever said anything negative like that to me before. It wasn’t long before some one else started to say something. I started to put on weight as a senior, probably because I stopped playing basketball, but I started to get tiny stretch marks on my belly around my belly button. And another boyfriend had a problem with it. A few years later a different boyfriend told me I was a cow. (Wow boyfriends suck)
It wasn’t just boyfriends though, my family, especially one Aunt in particular was always telling me I was getting fat. My cousin would say I look pregnant. Even my mom would say things, maybe she didn’t mean to be critical but all of it still hurt. By this point I was so angry…I don’t exactly come from a family of super models. My Mom (&father) are both over weight, my Aunts…all 4 of them, are quite large, morbidly obese. As for my cousins, well, I am older than them so obviously I would be bigger while growing up, but even now since we are adults they have also put on some (read: a lot) weight.
I don’t mean for this to be the pot calling the kettle black, and I hope it doesn’t sounds like I am just as bad as they were. I just want to explain how I felt as a young girl growing up. Having overweight people tell me I was “fat.” A few lessons in healthy eating could have fixed all the problems, but it took several more years of destructive eating for me to figure out those lessons on my own.
But hey no complaints here. The sweetest revenge is showing them “YES I CAN”.
- A Look Into My Past (erinalexandersays.wordpress.com)