My Path

If you checked the weekly weigh in page yesterday you would see that I’m only a measly .2 lbs lighter this week than last week. Of course, I’d like to lose more than that but even a small loss is better than none.

This week has just reminded me that I have to work hard for everything. Nothing has ever come easy for me. When I started playing basketball in middle school I had to practice everyday in my grandpa’s shop. And I was still benched the most of the season. When I wanted to throw javelin in high school I had to “fight” with my coach to get the opportunity to even try it. To get promoted when I was working at Staples I had to prove myself over and over again. In order to attend college I had to get scholarships and work nearly full time.

What I lack in natural ability I make up for in enthusiasm, dedication, persistence, and hard work.

I don’t know why I thought weight loss would be easy for me. Maybe because I know so much information about health and fitness? Maybe because I am so passionate about it? Maybe because I want it so bad?

I recently added a new friend to myfitnesspal, and seeing her log is actually kind of discouraging for me. She has lost around 45 lbs, and she eats less than 1200 calories a day. I’m so happy for her, but I can’t help but wonder why can’t I do that?

If I eat 1200 calories I’m in tears staring at the fridge. Or I’m yelling for no reason. I just don’t have that kind of will power I guess. When I set those strict limits on myself like no carbs or 1200 calories, I find myself focusing on food more than usual, it consumes me until I consume it! You have read about this on this blog before, juice cleanse lasted one day before I started crying. I’ve said I’m going to eat low carbs several times. If I can’t stick to the “diet” it’s not going to work, that’s easy to see.

Is daily happiness more important than the end result? If I’m miserable every single day because I’m restricting myself too much, worth losing an extra pound a week?

I’m looking for long term results, although I’m trying to lose weight right now. What I really want is to stay healthy and thin forever. I don’t want to go over 200 ever again.

I know my problem is eating. I’m standing here at a fork in the road. Do I take the straight and narrow road, with 1200 calorie strict diet? Or do I take the bumpy back roads that will get me there later?

It’s funny, even as I type this out I know that I’m more of an adventurer. As much as I want the end results, I know that I’d much rather scale up and over the mountain than walk around it.

My thoughts just came full circle. When I started this post it was about how I have to work hard to lose the weight. Then it was why can’t I just eat 1200 calories of boring tasteless food and lose the weigh fast like other people.

But I’ve finally realized, I want to do this my way! Its not the fastest way to get results but that’s what makes me happy. Isn’t that what matter most anyway?

Maybe I will never get there but you can bet I will die trying.

Wow. Glad we had this talk.


5 thoughts on “My Path

  1. Bella

    I think you have to eat the way that you feel comfortable, but I can tell you that I ate 1200/day, and because I eat 3 meals of 400 calories each, I’m completely satisfied. And I weigh more than you do. So, it can be done, it all depends on WHAT you’re eating.

    1. mrsalexzan Post author

      You are so right. I looked at my log yesterday and I had a Popsicle, a blended coffee, and an ice cream bar. That’s absurd! I need to cut out the junk, that’s my real problem. If I was eating extra calories of veggies that wouldn’t be a problem.

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