Those are the words I heard by my midwife this afternoon.
I debated about writing this post all day. I’m disappointed. I have to admit that I messed up and I made a mistake. That I failed.
A bigger part of me is ready to admit the truth. To fix this mistake.
Today I had regular prenatal check-up. The baby is doing great, but I gained 9 pounds this month. 9 POUNDS in one month. I’m mortified.
According to my charts, I’ve gained 18 lbs. My at-home weight gain is 22 pounds. (I say at-home because my doctor has my starting weight at 193, but my weight before getting pregnant was 184 pounds. Also I weight several pounds less when I weight myself in the mornings.) Seriously, tears are filling up in my eyes as I type.
I feel terrible. I don’t want to put my baby or myself at risk for complications
The babies of women who gain more than the recommended amount of weight during pregnancy may be too large at birth, which can cause labor complications for both mom and baby. For example, studies show that women who gain too much during pregnancy are at a higher risk for having a cesarean delivery or a premature birth. They also tend to retain too much weight after pregnancy and have a higher weight in subsequent pregnancies. From: BabyCenter
In addition to that, I have to deal with the fact that I was already slightly overweight to start with.
The risks for women who gain too much during pregnancy, though, are less than the risks for women who already weigh too much when they conceive. Women who start pregnancy overweight are at higher risk for complications including gestational diabetes and preeclampsia.
In addition, women who are overweight or obese before pregnancy tend to have trouble starting and continuing breastfeeding. Experts believe reasons for this may include poor milk production and difficulty positioning the baby for nursing. Gaining too much weight during pregnancy may make this problem worse.
I feel so terrible. It kills me to even think about my baby girl having a hard birth.
I’m upset and frustrated but I know that won’t get me anywhere. I have to make a change.
I’ve been allowing myself to eat more indulgent than I had in the past. Chocolates, extra pizza, a couple slices of toast with dinner, hot chocolate to ease my sore throat, and TOO MUCH EXTRA stuff.
Now its time for more protein. Less breads and chocolates. More water. Less hot chocolate. More water. More fruit and vegetables.
To help keep myself more accountable, I’m going to be posting my meals on Instagram & Facebook. Every meal. (I’m a little rusty, but I’ll get back into the swing of things.) And its back to posting my sweaty workout pictures.
This is the end. I’m not going to allow myself to do this to my baby or myself.
I can do better.